Dear friends,

Maybe you’ve heard about this profound Japanese concept Gaman 我慢. Gaman means perseverance and self-control. It’s the inner strength that keeps you calm and composed when everything around you is so not ok at all. Gaman is a virtue in my opinion. Gaman is also a silent scream.

Does it sounds noble or stoic to you? I think it is. It has the “Keep calm and carry on” vibe but with more elegant and flowery calligraphy. While Gaman is absolutely responsible for the quiet resilience often demonstrated in the face of natural disasters or the long long workdays, let’s be honest with me: Gaman is the silent scream, the silent chaos, the silent endurance you have to carry on in order to survive this society.

It’s about keeping your problems to yourself, or the “Die with a smile” attitude as I’m listening to that song. It’s the silent heroism of choosing not to complain, even when a complaint is truly justified. It’s the mental discipline that transforms a potential meltdown into a slightly strained emotionless smile.

“People who are too tired they just can’t look around any further.

Let me list the tiny battles of Gaman I’ve seen during my time living in Japan:

– The holding Gaman: Imagine you’re stuck on a train during peak hours in a summer day and you have to handle the smell and the noise. Imagine you’re in a never ending line for the restroom and your friend keeps texting as if you make her wait for hours? You are now under pressure and the only thing that make you holding on is Gaman the virtue. Gaman in Japan can also mean to hold your pee. A battle against your nature call.

– The public transport Gaman or the worst Gaman: You are packed into a rush-hour train like a sardine in a designer suit. This is my reality so I know how it is. The person next to you is listening to their music which is so loud through flimsy earbuds and sometimes they stare at you as if you are invading their personal space. Do you complain or raise your elbow? Absolutely not. You subtly shift your weight, inhale deeply, and channel the spirit of a thousand-year-old mountain, chant the longest mantra you can remember. You are a statue of quiet suffering, a testament to the fact that you would rather endure mild physical assault than create a momentary social disturbance.

Gaman is more than just gritting your teeth or expressing your issues. It’s a commitment to moving forward with grace and patience even when you secretly want to flip a table. It’s the ultimate form of emotional restraint, which is why it often manifests as a perfectly calm exterior over a violently sputtering interior.

So the next time you find yourself in a situation that seems to text your patience, remember Gaman. You’re not just being tolerant, you’re participating in a centuries-old tradition of quiet, dignified, and utterly ridiculous heroism.